Room for interpretation, very little for self-doubt

In Legally Blonde, Elle Wood’s fabulous female Professor Stromwell states, "In law, there is very little room for self-doubt" (minute 26:00). This is true when handling clients, however in other aspects of the legal profession, studies show that depression, anxiety, and imposter syndrome have become a prevalent, and accepted part of the industry. Furthermore, these experiences aren’t only found within the population of licensed attorneys. The pandemic of self-doubt has spread to law and pre-law students. This week The Kayla Konnection blog is focused on how these issues can be addressed.

In today’s post I explore how I have experienced self-doubt during my path to law school, using the Law School Entrance Exam as an example. Later, we will explore gratitude, and how it can raise levels of fulfillment and confidence.

If you would like more information about mental health and imposter syndrome within the legal world, please read these quick articles from The American Bar Association and LinkedIn. They are eye-opening and beneficial!

Trial and error: the LSAT's

While I didn’t enter my undergrad intending to follow a pre-law path, once I did, my life was forever changed. I’ve studied philosophy at Washington State University for my final three years. As I prepare to graduate in less than a month, I reflect on my efforts to reach this point, including those I have made in preparation for law school. Like many pre-law students, the main hurdle this path included was the LSAT. I took it twice, and I think it is important to talk about that experience honestly because we so often only hear stories about those who have recieved a nearly perfect score.

The first time I took the LSAT, I scored in the 140’s. I had studied hard, very hard, with one of those fat prepatory books, multiple practice tests, and Khan Academy’s personalized LSAT program. By the week of my scheduled exam, the practice tests I was taking came in above my score goal, I felt confident and ready. During the exam I was challenged, but I felt I had done well. However, a month later, when the scores came it, I was crushed.

I am a classic overachiever, as many aspiring law students are. But this attribute has less to do with the desire to be seen as academically successful by my peers and professors, and instead comes from a deep place of passion within me. I love to learn and absorb anything and everything I can about the world and its functions. I want more than anything for my brain to be a beautiful treasure chest of knowledge. When I don’t reach my goals in academia, it hurts deeply because I see it as a failed responsibility. I, of course, dove in to try to do better because I want that knowledge. I live for it. It sustains me. But sometimes, getting back on that horse takes some time.

That’s what happened with my first LSAT. Having completed all courses for my degree and minor that semester, I shifted my focus to other academic passions for the spring semester. Finding the courage to continue pursuing law didn’t happen until July. And that courage only came to me when I realized my fears, my personal feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy, were stopping me from doing something I loved so much: being a resource of knowledge so that I could help others.

So, I commenced studying for the LSAT again for the next three months. No more or less intensively than before, but with more self-compassion. When I didn’t get things right the first time, I eliminated being frustrated with myself and instead jumped right into learning the why’s and how’s of problems I missed. This enabled me to shift the energy from doubting myself to moving forward and learning from mistakes. I took the test again in September of 2022 and my score surpassed my goal, placing me above the range I needed for the top school on my list. This expeirence showed me that my process, and my thoughts, influence the outcome of my goals.

Whatever you are currently working on, I encourage you to see every instance of perceived failure as instead a moment to take account of where you are. Give yourself a pause and ask these three questions:

1.) Did I do and try my best?

2.) Why do I feel so upset about this perceived failure?

3.) How can I step back and reconsider my approach?

Asking these questions can help you observe the realities of your situation, emotionally and physically. Sometimes things need space to work themselves out in your mind and that is ok. Sometimes they require plowing forward and trying again as soon as possible, and that is good as well. If you never take the time to consider your feelings and options, self-doubt may stay present. Self-doubt only comes from within you, and only you can decide what needs to happen to solve it.

You can do this! I know you can, and you know you can as well.

Get Going!

Kayla

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